Tuesday, May 24, 2016




I just feel like I need this coin purse in my life. Getting change out at the grocery store would be a hoot!

This is hands down the funniest thing I've read all year. High five, Ho Gotti!

Yikes, man...

This is my favorite meme response when there's nonsense afoot. #fuckery


Aww, this makes me think of my fiance! How sweet!

Sunday, April 24, 2016

...pssst... there's something going on over here...

Hey... yeah, you. Come over heeyah, kid. *nods you over.
How YOU doin'?
Yes... it's been a grip, ain't it? (There was so much intentionally wrong with that sentence it almost brings a tear to my eye.) I've still been running. Still salsa walking. Still sassy as ever. And, it history could have foretold, still as lazy as ever, because who's got two thumbs and hasn't gotten around to posting any #fatgirlrunning blogs lately? See above.
Oh, but don't get excited. I'm not posting one now, either. What I AM doing is letting you know that I'm still here, thinking of you fondly... not fondling... I don't know why I felt the need to clarify that. Except that I know some of you sickos. Anyway, where was I...
Ah yes! I, and the rest of us Chics haven't disappeared and haven't forgotten about you. We're just... ya know. Doin' what we do.
You know, like, stuff and shit.
I DID happen to come across something that made me... laugh, internally applaud and almost audibly curse in inanimate 'entity'.
See, what ha happened wuzz... I was checking out my youtube channel whilst looking for a fun teaser video to put up somewhere. You know, to tease. After you watch a video, youtube does this thing where instead of leaving a blank video space it likes to turn the video player into a collage of related videos (same author, 'if you like blank you may like blank' videos, that sorta thing?) Well, that was all well and good. Until I noticed the video in the bottom right hand corner. Zoom in on this. It's worthy.

What the FRUIT ROLL UPS, youtube? Why you gotta be a DICK? I mean, don't get me wrong, here. GREAT JOB, random girl posting videos of herself tryna work on her fitness. But dayum, YT. That's pretty harsh.
Oh well... maybe I should rename my jogging blog series.
(p.s. shameless plug! my aspiring gamer/actor/singer/writer/designer son Caeden has his own youtube channel, and if you guys just randomly watched his videos he would be SO tickled to see the views go up.)

Monday, April 11, 2016

Mindless Mind-Numbing Uselessness

Have you ever played the game Smash Hit? It's a game you can get on iPhone or iPad. Basically you throw little metal balls at glass while trippy meditation music plays in the background. It's simultaneously the most rewarding feeling to smash glass and the most frustrating feeling because I always lose on Checkpoint 6. And I'm too cheap to pay $1.99 to have the luxury of saving my progress once I die. It seems like such a simple game concept, but the simple games are the ones I enjoy the most.

Any of you have a favorite phone/tablet game you like to play to kill time? I'm sure Candy Crush Saga owns most of your lives, but if there's any other ones you'd recommend, I'd love to know ;)

Monday, April 4, 2016


...It's this pill they make me take so I don't have an emotional breakdown in the middle of a grocery store.

And I like it, kinda. It makes me sleepy. But also floaty, and I don't feel like going super saiyan on everyone who looks at me funny.

God damn these footie pajamas are soft.


Friday, April 1, 2016


My home for the week is my sister's apartment, a glorious two bedroom loft that feels more like a hotel room than someone's home. It's le chic as fuck! 

Anyway, as I sit typing, my niece is uncharacteristically quiet. She's usually zooming around the place like she's got a battery in her back - or a hybrid toddler, solar-powered. But she's munching on some quinoa for dinner, while I drink glass after glass of water, wishing it was the vodka I cashed yesterday afternoon.

It's so weird being on 'vacation'. Boring, truthfully. I mostly read, or watch shows on the internet, or sleep. The alcohol is gone, so my trip has lost it's glamour. I don't sleep that well, so the few hours I'm getting are weird melatonin-fueled head trips. I'm binge eating Popeye's chicken like I've never heard of vegetables. I'm becoming a lazy slug. T-minus 36 hours until I'm back in my world, we'll see how it goes!

Tuesday, March 29, 2016


I've had the weirdest dreams lately. Last night an old friend called and we went out for burgers. My burger tasted funny so I lifted the bun - plot twist, there was a live rabbit in the burger. My friend and I set the rabbit free, and then we watched the fireworks! Hee hee, melatonin dreams are neat!

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Would YOU dare?

I'm thrifty.

Cheap? Eh... Maybe sometimes. But mostly I'm a big fan of doing stuff on my own if I think I can get away with it. Like coloring my hair, for instance.

I've been dying my own hair for decades. I'm old. I've also frequented salons over the years, with amazing results that I have loved. Man, there is nothing quite like having your hair expertly washed and coiffed.

But I'm cheap, remember? Or poor. Or both.

So when I tried to go non-traditional (read that as 'fun') multicolored I just popped on over to Sally's and set myself up with all the goods I'd need to do just that. And with surprisingly little miss, I hit the mark.

Years of coloring and highlighting and bleaching have made coloring my hair a bit like spinning a roulette wheel. Or Forrest Gump. (Another - new! - cockney phrase! Forrest Gump = a wildcard; "you never know what you're gonna geh-et".)

So when I decide I'm going to add some highlights?


In my tiny, poorly lit bathroom with nothing but a knowledge gleaned from many a trip to the stylist's chair?

We're talking a Rosa Parks Forrest Gump.

As my luck would have it, things turned out just fine. Serendipitously, perfectly... me. Sometimes the gods DO shine down upon me.

Clearly, the gods of photogenic-ness have turned the other cheek.

What's the most daring task you take upon yourself to do? What's something you wish you had the guts to go for?

Inquiring minds want to know...